I begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid.
Cato
By nature, I don’t talk much, so this idea comes naturally to me. However, I sometimes find myself wanting to be as talkative as the person I am having a conversation with, so I try to remind myself of what the Stoics like Cato said–to speak only when I am certain that I have something truly valuable to say.
Many of us are used to expressing our opinion and many love engaging in conversations, both in-person and online. Making conversations is, of course, not a bad thing, but the idea here is that we can probably improve the quality of our conversations. As Zeno said, we have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.
Listening more than speaking is a great exercise for our everyday lives. There’s a lot we can learn from others by focusing on listening. Epictetus talked about saying only what is necessary and being brief. I try to follow this advice and focus on the quality of what I say, instead of engaging in trivial conversation. I try to ask questions about what I’ve heard, instead of letting my mind form opinions too soon. I deliberately plan to speak less. I refuse to carry the burden of trying to come up with interesting things to say. Either I have something valuable to add to the topic, or I don’t.
Listening more than speaking may be difficult to some, but the Stoics remind us that listening in conversations is not a sign of weakness or insecurity, but of strength. It is not a sign of discomfort, but of confidence.
Practicing listening has had wonderful results for me and it makes me a more patient, calm person. I enjoy listening and I believe everyone enjoys the company of a good listener. It’s a win-win.
